Tuesday, August 31, 2010


As of today...drum roll please...

100 sticks of butter melted away from this girl's body!


There's a lot more to go, but I am taking a little time to enjoy this moment.

And now...off to prepare tomorrow's healthy lunches for my HoneyBunny and me!

Monday, August 30, 2010


OK, so here's my fantasy...

(And, no, it doesn't involve Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt or any other dreamy movie star covered in whipped cream and chocolate.)

So my fantasy is to lose all of the weight, to get really fit and to...

...become a certified personal trainer.  

Shut the front door!

Me - the lifelong compulsive eater who's been occasionally thin, but more often than not quite heavy and every possible weight in between - become a personal trainer? That's crazy, right?

Maybe, but it's my fantasy.

In my fantasy I have muscular arms, a flat stomach (which I've never had), a back with not a smidge of flab hanging over my bra, and super toned and sexy legs. I'm extremely fit and healthy.

In my fantasy I help other obese people overcome their many years of bad habits, get out of their weight induced funks and become the healthy people they long to be.

I help these people because I know exactly what they're going through.

As fantasies go, I guess this might seem pretty tame (after all...no Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt with whipped cream and melted chocolate...), perhaps even pretty lame, but it's my fantasy and I'm sticking with it.

Who knows...occasionally fantasy does become reality.

Sunday, August 29, 2010


This upper respiratory bug is hanging on with a vengeance.

It's been an entire week since I have engaged in any exercise thanks to this damn bug. I've been either horizontal or moderately horizontal for seven damn days and I cannot stand myself anymore. So I decide to head to the gym today for a very slow walk on the treadmill. Nothing particularly taxing. Just a slow, gentle walk.

It's lovely.

I manage to get the speed up to 3.0 mph, which is a little more vigorous than I had panned, but since I don't seem to be hacking up a lung I go for it.

Chris arrives at the gym just as I'm getting ready to stretch.

"How was your walk?" he asks.

"Good," I reply, "do I have a little color in my face?"

"Mmm...you're mostly just sweaty."

Ah well. I had hoped for a little pink in my cheeks, but I'll be satisfied with sweaty. Proof that I actually moved today.

So I stretch for a few minutes and then head home for a late lunch. Chris arrives home to find me sitting at the table with an empty bowl in front of me, book in my left hand and my chin resting heavily in my right hand.

"You look wiped out," he says.

"Yeah. I am."

Two very slow miles on the treadmill have done me in.

So it's off to the shower and then into the bedroom for a little lie-down.

My "little lie-down" turns into a 3.5 hour nap. And even though I've just now gotten up from my marathon nap I feel as though I could get right back into bed for another 3.5 hours of sleep.

This bug is kicking my ass.

Tomorrow is a work day. There's no more time for me to be at home trying to get rid of this thing. So, I'll head into work where I'll likely be scrambling to get myself caught up.

Think anyone will notice if I lie down on the floor of a my cubicle for a 3.5 hour nap?

Saturday, August 28, 2010


So, the oatmeal yesterday was OK. I enjoyed it.

But the light lunch I made myself yesterday...not so much. I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling more than a bit nauseated by the introduction of some tuna salad and a beautiful tomato into my system.

Thus, last night it was back to soup and a fudgsicle.

This morning I awake once again to having no appetite. No hunger at all. The thought of anything beyond the egg drop soup that's in the fridge (and even that isn't sounding all that appetizing at the moment) is sort of... yech.

The score to date =

Upper respiratory bug: 1
Appetite: 0

It's a funny thing this not being hungry. You might think that - as someone who is trying to lose weight - I'd be jumping up and down at the prospect of not being hungry.

And in years past I might have.

A long time ago I might have jumped on the starvation bandwagon with glee.

But after so many years of so many successful and failed attempts at losing weight, what I have learned is that you have to eat to lose weight.

Starvation isn't the way to successful weight loss.

You have to eat to lose weight.

Food is fuel. 

It's the fuel that helps a dieter get to the gym to hit the treadmill for 30 minutes or lift weights or take a Zumba class or take a bike ride on a beautiful day. Without lots of good, healthy food a dieter's muscles don't have the fuel to do what they need to do. When you don't eat, your body goes into starvation mode - trying to stretch each calorie and hold onto fat reserves.

One thing that's always surprised me about my most successful attempts to lose weight is how full I usually am during the process. When we started SBD a few weeks ago, I was surprised at just how much food I have to consume each day. The meals and the snacks are sizable. There were a number of days when I came home from work with food left in my handy, dandy cooler because I was TOO FULL to eat anymore.

Too full...on a diet.

Go figure.

So, while I will likely lose a few more pounds as I rid myself of this damn bug that has me in its grips, I'm really quite ready to experience hunger and fullness again. Ready to give my muscles the fuel they need to do what they need to do to help me toward permanent weight loss. This sitting around, not feeling hungry and not eating much is zapping me of all of my energy leaving me limp and exhausted.

I need to be hungry again.

Going to go try some oatmeal again.

Wish me luck.

(And then I think a nap...)

Friday, August 27, 2010


I'm on this new diet. Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. 
-- Emily Chalton, "The Devil Wears Prada"

I've been away for the last week because of a bug. Not the stomach flu bug that Emily Chalton longs for to reach to her goal weight, but a nasty upper respiratory thing that has kicked my ass all week long. Today is the first day in six that I haven't felt like I was going to hack up a lung. Still coughing a lot, but not the rib bruising deep coughs that have been erupting from me all week long at all hours of the day and night.

And today is the first day that my head feels sort of clear and that sitting up, while tiring, doesn't seem like a tremendous effort.

I've had no appetite whatsoever this week.

Like zero.

Which is so very weird. I'm usually so hungry.

My daily food consumption this week: soup and sugar-free fudgsicles - very soothing on a throat that feels like sandpaper.

As a result of this rather limited diet, I've melted away a few more sticks of butter. However, I'm fairly certain from many years of experience that the loss is not permanent.

That's the thing about starving yourself...you might get quick results, but they won't last. Eventually, you have to eat again. And then - BOOM - those lost pounds... they're baaaack!

So I'm sure when I get on the scale again next week after resuming normal healthy eating, a few of those lost sticks of butter will make a repeat appearance on my body and on the scale. But that's OK.


I'd rather melt them away the healthy way - by eating right and exercising. Not by relying on an illness-induced semi-fast. While it was absolutely lovely to step on the scale today and see the number dipping ever lower, I recognize that it's just temporary. I'll gain those sticks of butter back and then work harder to get rid of them once again.


Just had some oatmeal. It feels good to have something of an appetite again. My fabulous husband went grocery shopping and stocked the fridge and cupboards with all kinds of healthy goodness. I'm looking forward to eating today.

But before that, I think a nap is in order. All of this sitting up and making/eating oatmeal... exhausting.

This bug is kicking my ass, People.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love

I just found her annoying. Just the whining "waaaa I don't want my beautiful house and my handsome husband; waaaaa I gotta go to Bali to find myself" Whatever...

This is what a colleague of mine had to say on her Facebook page about Elizabeth Gilbert after seeing the movie "Eat, Pray, Love." (I'd include a link to the movie website, but if you haven't heard of it by now...)

I laugh out loud when I read the comment.

I have mixed feelings about the whole "spiritual journey"aspect of the film, but will explore that on the other blog. Here - I want to talk about THE FOOD.

So I'm sitting there in the darkened theater along with a few hundred other people on a rainy Sunday afternoon. As much as I want to see the movie, I am a tad anxious about all of the Italian food I know is going to make its appearance during the next few hours.

Afraid that watching Julia Roberts on the screen indulging in pasta and pizza will make me want to run out to the nearest Italian joint and stuff myself silly.

But as I sit there in the theater enjoying the edamame that I have snuck in with me, I find myself strangely uninterested in the food on the screen.


It's true.

In the scene where Julia's character (Liz) takes herself to a cafe with the sole aim of enjoying her food for the first time in what's she claims has been years, a plate of pasta with red sauce is placed in front of her. It's a lovely mound of perfectly al dente spaghetti topped with what looks like a light but luscious tomato sauce and garnished with a perfect sprig of basil.

It's a thing of beauty.

Liz looks at this gorgeous plate of pasta as if she is seeing and smelling spaghetti for the first time.  You can almost watch her salivary glands go into overdrive. You can see that it's a turning point for her. A real moment in her life.

She eats one large mouthful. And another. And another. Smiling and laughing all the while. Once she has devoured every last noodle, she toasts herself with red wine.

It looks heavenly.

And I should be drooling. Right?

But I'm not.

Instead I'm munching contentedly on the edamame. Enjoying the texture of it in my mouth. Reveling in the salty goodness of the sea salt. And knowing that edamame is a much healthier choice than a huge plate of gluten-laden carbohydrates.

Or a big bucket of movie popcorn for that matter.

Other amazingly decadent looking meals make their appearances in "Eat, Pray, Love." I watch the characters indulge in a variety of very rich Italian foods. But, again, remain uninterested. Instead I briefly wonder what lovely healthy meal Chris has planned for dinner.

It feels good not to be obsessing over food.

It feels good to come home today to a dinner of Chicken Nicoise Salad. To appreciate a simple dressing of olive oil, lemon juice, Dijon mustard and sherry. To enjoy beautiful ripe Roma tomatoes and lightly steamed green beans. To savor the simplicity of chicken breast cooked with oregano, the richness and decadence of a few slices of hard-boiled egg, the saltiness of Kalamata olives. To know that my food doesn't have to be full of fat to be tempting and delicious.


Friday, August 20, 2010

Tipping the Scales

"So, how did the weigh in go?" I ask Chris on the drive back home from the gym this morning.

He gets this sort of goofy, tentative grin on his face and says, "I don't think that I trust that scale!"


"Because if it's right then I've lost another 8 pounds!"

"That's awesome!" I say giving him a high five. "See, I told you the weight was going to start melting off. You're a guy. That's what happens when you eat right and exercise. I'm so jealous. You're going to lose the weight so much faster than I will."

He smiles all the way home.

My weight loss during the first two weeks of Phase 1 of SBD hasn't been quite as dramatic as that of my HoneyBunny, but I'm happy to also see the number on the scale going down, down, down. Yay!

It's so nice not to fear and loathe the scale anymore.

Weighing myself used to be excruciatingly painful. I hated the scale with a passion. And I was afraid of it. Afraid to get on it because the number always seemed to be going up, up, up.  Afraid that I'd see 180 or 193 or - heaven forbid - any number over 200! For a long time in my life I refused to weigh myself saying things like, "I don't want to get obsessed by the number on the scale."

Yeah...ummm...look where that got me.


Had I been a just a wee bit more concerned with the number on the scale, I would probably be in much better shape and at a much lower weight than I am today.

Ah, well, no use crying over spilled milk.

Now I realize - of course - that the scale is my friend. That regular weigh-ins help me track my progress toward my ultimate weight-loss goal. And that getting on the scale will also let me know what's working and what's not.

Obviously the switch to SBD is working. The number on the scale is descending.

When I finally lose all of the weight that I want to lose (and I WILL lose it!) the regular weigh-ins will also let me know when I might be falling back on old bad habits. Gaining a pound here or there...I'll know and I'll take steps.  I won't use the, "I'll just watch the way my clothes fit" method of maintenance.

Because - let's face it - that just won't cut it.

It's too easy to slide back into old, bad, unhealthy behaviors after 42 years of living unhealthy. One pound will become two and then five.

Unless I get on the scale.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Breakfast of Champions

"Mmmmm. Nothin' says breakfast like spreading country Dijon mustard on cheese!" says my husband with a wry grin.

Breakfast during Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet is an interesting affair. No bread so no toast. Can't have cereal. No sweetened yogurt. You get to a lot of eggs and/or "egg beaters" and a lot of cheese.

And lean protein [read: sliced deli ham or turkey]

This morning Chris and I make the "Cheese and Ham [although we make them with turkey instead] Frico Breakwiches."

What the hell is "Frico?"

We've re-christened them the "Freaky Sandwiches."

And what are they? The guts of the sandwich without the bread.

Let me explain.

Basically you take 2 tablespoons of shredded, low-fat sharp cheddar and make it into a 3-inch pancake on a baking sheet. Make 4 of them. Stick'em all in the oven on 375 degrees for three minutes. Then you take them out and let them cool. They stiffen up in just a few minutes.

This is your "bread" for the sandwich.

Spread mustard on the cheese and fill with turkey (or ham if you're so inclined), red onion, and some lightly sauteed red bell pepper.


Breakfast of Champions!

I know that Chris will be very grateful when we can semi-retire the Freaky Sandwiches (and I know he'll never eat the mini-frittatas ever again) and we start Phase 2 on Monday.

In Phase 2...There's French Toast.

I again choke down - er - enjoy - yet another glass of V8. It isn't getting any better. But I now know that I can down the required 8 ounces of V8 in 4 big swallows.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Denim day...

I walk into the "Plus Size" store today to try on some jeans.

I want to see how my body is looking in clothes that are not in my own wardrobe - clothes in which I am not used to seeing myself. So, I grab a pair of jeans in the size I've been wearing for a while now. I try them on.

Too big.

Well, isn't that nice.

I have also grabbed a pair of jeans that are the next size down. Should I risk trying them on? Yeah.

"I'm probably not going to be able to zip these up, but I should at least I should be able to get them on my body," I think to myself, knowing that I'll be very pleased if I can just get them up over my hips.

On they go.

Well, well.

And surprise, surprise..."zzzzzzzzzip" goes the zipper.


Yes - there's an "AND" - AND I am able to button them up!


Remember kids:

Making responsible food choices + daily exercise = skinnier jeans

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tuesday Part 2

"I really miss carbs today," Chris tells me over the phone.


"Yeah. Someone brought a box of donuts to the office. And when I went to get a diet soda the Hot Tamales were there and they were calling out to me," his voice sounds so wistful. "But I stayed strong and I didn't have either of them."

"Yaaaaay!" I cry happily into the phone.

"Yeeeaahhh," he says, sounding sort of pitiful.

"Just think of all of the hard work you've put in and how those donuts will undo it all."

"I know, I know."

My poor HoneyBunny.

I know, too.

It sucks being the one left out of the sandbox...watching everyone else play but you.

I'm not missing donuts ad Hot Tamales right now (surprisingly), but what I am missing is fruit. I'm in the grocery store this evening picking up a few things when I pass by the green grapes. Dear God. I'm positive I start panting and drooling right there in the produce aisle!

I would happily kill someone right now for a handful of crisp, sweet green grapes... (well, maybe not kill someone - that's a little drastic to kill someone over fruit.)

But, like my husband, I stayed strong and resisted the green grapes.

I'll be so very glad when Monday rolls around and we start Phase 2 of the South Beach Diet..we can have fruit in limited quantities. Oh joy!!

Peel me a grape!


Healthy Tip #1 - Do NOT stay up until 1 a.m. two nights in a row and expect to drag one's fat butt to the gym the next morning.

Basically - Get. Enough. Sleep.


Tonight I'm in bed at a reasonable hour. No more of this 1 a.m. nonsense.

Chris is a better man than me. He goes to the gym this morning despite two rather late nights in a row. Although after he leaves I feel way too guilty to stay in bed. So I haul my keester out of our comfy bed and out of the lovely air conditioning to stumble into the hot, muggy kitchen where I make our lunches.

"So, how was the gym?" I ask Chris upon his return.

"It was OK," he says in that "it was OK" kinda voice.

I raise a questioning eyebrow at him so he elaborates, "There were a coupla really big guys ahead of me on the machines. The kind of guys with their neck veins popping out and doing all of the stuff that required them to go 'RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR' [he does a kind of muscle pose, jaw clenched to illustrate] so I ended up having to wait around."

Kinda sorry that I missed the a vein-popping-heavy-lifting-RRRRRRRR-guys at the gym this a.m. I always marvel at how totally ridiculous they look. But, I must confess, it is pretty frickin' impressive watching them lift those crazy weights. 

So we have our healthy breakfast - green bean and sun dried tomato mini-frittatas. I choke down a glass of V8 juice with mine.

Do you think that someday I'll actually learn to like V8 juice?

Is there anyone in the free world who really likes this wretched concoction???

On the South Beach Diet menu for today:

Morning snack - large handful of almonds, cashews & pistachios + celery & green beans
Lunch - large salad with Buffalo chicken (not fried - grilled)
Afternoon Snack - tomatoes & string cheese
Dinner - quick beef fajitas and some kind of vegetable
Dessert - homemade macaroons! Yum!

So, that's the news from Weight Loss Central this morning. I'll hit the gym on my way home from work this evening since I couldn't be bothered to get my butt there this morning.

Today's affirmation:

Everyday is a new opportunity to make healthy choices.

Monday, August 16, 2010

New blog...New way of life

OK, so I never thought that I'd ever be one of those bloggers who has two blogs...

Then again, I never thought that I'd have even one blog, noodle around on Facebook, be addicted to an iPhone, live on the East Coast, or weigh more than 200 pounds.

Who knew?

All of these things...

They are my reality.

So, here I am starting yet another blog to record yet another journey...this one the road to weight loss and fitness. My plan for this blog is to:
  • record my progress and be accountable to all of you
  • whine about my setbacks (and, sadly, there will be a few setbacks)
  • express my fears and my joys (hopefully more joys than fears)
  • share recipes and exercise tips that seem to work
  • offer inspiration
  • seek inspiration
And it's likely that I'll do more, but just as likely the "more" will evolve organically over the life of the blog.

Now, if you'll excuse me...much as I would like to write more I must dash. Breakfast to prep (for tomorrow) and then kitchen to be cleaned up and made ready for more healthy cooking!